Shaming the Divorce Bar in New Mexico- and Everywhere

The Huff Po often swipes the news from other media - usually with an uber-compelling, National Enquirer-type headline.

So when I saw a headline in Huff Po Divorce about a rogue lawyer caught on tape breaking and entering the home of his client's estranged husband, I figured it was the usual sensationalist, anti-lawyer nonsense. You know, where the questionable misdeeds of one crazy-bad guy are supposed to portray the theoretical reality of the rest of us members of the matrimonial bar. And because I've posted an occasional blog on Huff Po Divorce, and attracted the ire of lawyer-hating Internet surfers - I know from personal experience just how nasty lawyer-bashing can get on Huff Po Divorce.

But this time? OMG, the "target" lawyer managed to shame not only himself but the entire legal profession.

Despicable Lawyer Raymond Van Amam not only broke into and entered his client's estranged husband's home in a violent fashion, destroying and absconding with the personal property inside - INCLUDING the husband's personal legal papers!!- but embraced his female client in an uncomfortably intimate fashion for at least twenty seconds, after he insisted, "I want a hug, I need some relaxation!"

It made my skin crawl when I heard him murmur, "Shh shh shh shh shh, oh yeahhh, put it behind you, shh shh shh shh shh oh yeahhhhh." The client didn't seem to realize that his moves were absolutely improper.

Just wrong. I sincerely hope the New Mexico Bar does NOT allow Mr. Van Amam, who used to be president of the local bar association, to put any part of his disgusting conduct behind him. He was suspended from practice once before, for cocaine. For crying out loud, get rid of this man's law license!!

The Huff Po's story generated only six comments: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/14/divorce-lawyer-break-in_n_1345334.html?ref=divorce

Versus the hundreds of comments generated in response to posts about Newt's infidelities and Susan Sarandon's divorce.

This is my comment (only the seventh comment in response to the story):

This is amazing - this story generated only SIX comments????

As a member of the matrimonial bar, I find the misconduct of Mr. Van Amam an absolute disgrace. I can't fathom his being permitted to continue to practice law after such egregious behavior, captured on videotape for heaven's sake.

Breaking and entering, destroying and absconding with personal property -- and to top it off, asking his female client for "relaxation" and tightly embracing. (His sarcastic comments to the estranged husband are despicable too...)

Appalling misconduct. I shudder to think of the damage this guy could cause to tarnish our reputation even more - that is, if the world of Internet surfers cared about something other than the latest celebrity train wreck.

I guess I should be relieved no one's paying attention to this.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/14/divorce-lawyer-break-in_n_1345334.html?ref=divorce


All I can say to this is.. unbelievable.

http://www.kob.com/article/stories/S2534896.shtml?cat=519

The Realm of Civil Discourse

Regardless of where you are on the political spectrum, calling anyone, let alone a student with the temerity to testify in Congress, a "slut" and a "prostitute" for no reason whatsoever - other than your personal disagreement with the subject of the tesimony - goes beyond any semblance of public discourse.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the … _blog.html

I went to Georgetown Law, as well as to Georgetown for my undergraduate degree. We were always excited by politics on The Hill, a short trip downtown. A lot of students interned there - Republicans as well as Democrats.

Georgetown is a Jesuit institution.  Jebbie priests are all over the campus (not so much at the law school) and many of the theology and philosophy required courses are taught by them - or were, back when I was there.  While Jesuits are committed to excellence in education, as a Catholic institution, Georgetown has certain policies that are annoying or objectionable to many students, and lead to lively discourse among the students and professors.

Yesterday, Rush Limbaugh verbally assaulted Sandra Fluke, who is a third-year Georgetown Law student (she's in her final year, and is going to be looking for a job upon graduation thus spring unless she already landed one - Georgetown Law students are luckier than many) as a "slut"  and a "prostitute" merely for testifying on the Hill, before a House Democratic committee (the Republican House committee said her request to testify had come in too late to allow her to testify about Georgetown's restrictive contraception insurance policies). (I wonder what he would have called her if she were a male student... )

I just called the alumnae office at the law school.  They were extremely appreciative of my call, and said they are ensuring that this law student feels safe and supported. And they're protecting her from being bombarded with blasts from the outside as best they can. 

They have assured me in the strongest possible terms - and this is consistent with my experience with Georgetown- that they, as an institution, are proud of all Georgetown students, professors and alums who engage in any form of public service.

Ms. Fluke is being trained to be an advocate. As she proceeds with her law career, there will undoubtedly be times when invectives will fly because of a position she's taken. Lord knows I heard enough of it as a matrimonial lawyer... In a sense, I suppose this is good training for what she may face in the future, in the courtroom or at the negotiating table. Because nobody, at least in my experience, ever attacked me at that level, in such insulting terms, even in the matrimonial field. So if she can handle Rush Limbaugh's garbage, she can handle anything.

But that really begs the question: why should she, or anyone else, have to handle this offensive verbal barrage at all?

I feel better having taken SOME action - a simple phone call, leaving my contact info - to express my support for this student.

But my outrage remains, and it seems the law school is equally outraged at the sexist verbal abuse that's been hurled at one of their students.

As should we all, regardless of our political leanings.

Triple Goddess Twilight

So this post has absolutely nothing to do with divorce...
But it has everything to do with creativity and recognition and, above all, passion.

I posted it two days ago on TheNextBigWriter.com: http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/library/index.html/read/57732


When Alicia Keys sang “Send Me An Angel” at Whitney Houston’s funeral, her emotions throwing her pitch off and sending her tone into the raw zone, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjNaiNjO18I) I realized (even more than I previously had) why I’m such an Alicia fan:  I hear Laura Nyro in her.


I don’t hear Laura in too many artists.  In fact, although she’s influenced countless musicians over the past four decades, I can’t think of anyone, save Alicia, who has Laura in them. That intensity.  Her incredible songwriting talent, the astonishing lyrics, a powerful 2 ½ octave voice in her heyday, her reliance on no one but herself to provide piano accompaniment-- and above all, that oft-cited, miscited and misunderstood intangible called soul.


Let me get the info dump out of the way: Laura Nyro was born and bred in the Bronx, half-Jewish and half-Italian, trained in NYC’s famous High School of Performing Arts, managed by David Geffen and mentored by a young Clive Davis (later, Whitney Houston’s mentor). Wikipedia has all the dull stats, mostly correct. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Nyro.  She was strongly influenced by early Motown - Curtis Mayfield and Smokey Robinson, two of my most beloved r&b artists (“People Get Ready,” “Move On Up,” “Tracks of My Tears,” “Ooh Baby Baby” etc.) were among her favorites - as most clearly evidenced by her joyful collaboration with Patti LaBelle in 1971 (Gonna Take A Miracle).


Laura’s best known songs are her earlier, more pop-like tunes, which were tossed into the mainstream by the successful commercial artists who covered them – like “Stoney End” covered by Barbra Streisand, “Eli’s Comin’” covered by Three Dog Night, “And When I Die” covered by Blood, Sweat and Tears, and “Wedding Bell Blues” and “Stoned Soul Picnic” covered by the Fifth Dimension.   Here’s a hilarious comparison: “Sweet Blindness,” covered by the Fifth Dimension with Frank Sinatra, in sparkly 5D regalia, piping in http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U60ixsEQUrA and Laura: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFTBERaBWL8 ((sorry about the creepy ad on You Tube)


By the early 1980’s, Laura became an ardent feminist, breaking sharply from the heterosexual adventures that had formed the crux of her musical forays through 1976’s Smile.  And she became very agenda-oriented by the mid- to late 1980’s, writing songs about animal rights and the injustices suffered by Native Americans.  A recluse by nature, Laura died in 1997 at the unripe age of 49 of ovarian cancer.


Info dump over.  So, does Laura Nyro – finally inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in December 2011 after being dissed for at least a decade - ring a bell with you now?  Hope so… 
                                                                                                                                                 *

Laura circa 1970 was approaching the height of her musical prowess.  In live performances, she surpassed the quality of her studio work in terms of both her passion and her vocal virtuosity. E.g.,  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drfr3yc0Ing&feature=related and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VzlKjqHU_Y.   (I’m not sure when this was recorded, but it sounds like early to mid-70’s: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK_389DxhJg - I’m sticking it in here not only because I love her cover of this Dr. John song, but because she sounds so damn great.) 


I was just a kid back then, hanging with a bunch of badass kids from the wrong side of the tracks. We spent most of our free time (and we made sure we had a LOT of free time) singing and harmonizing with our record players spinning 45’s  – not just Curtis and Smokey, but the Staples Singers, Aretha, Stevie Wonder, Gladys Knight, the Temps, the Four Tops, Martha Reeves, Wilson Pickett, James Brown, the Supremes, Jean Knight, the Jackson Five, Isaac Hayes, the Stylistics, Marvin Gaye, the Isley Brothers, the Delfonics… Lord, I miss those artists from Stax and Atlantic and Motown...
 

It wasn’t until 1973 that I discovered Laura, and she quickly became my personal goddess.  Not a difficult musical leap for a white girl with a deep-rooted love of 70’s soul.  I remember the first time I heard “Poverty Train” on Eli and the Thirteen Confession with its wailing beginning- “Last call……..,” slipping into a strong, syncopated ¾ blues tempo directly following a long “yeahhhhhh.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jxjk4Ck4vMA&feature=related  I was hooked. And since my vocal and piano skills were somewhat akin to hers, I practiced and performed her music throughout high school and college – her music was and is as much a part of me as those early soul singers ever were. 


I’ll never forgive myself for not seeing one of her famous Bottom Line shows in NYC until the early 90’s.  By then, her voice had been vanquished by too many years of cigarettes and hard living.  She was obese, puffed over an electric (yuk!) piano, struggling to reach any note above an A (the one above middle C, where she and I both switch to soprano mode).  The audience fawned over her every note anyway, indifferent to her shocking vocal missteps and limited piano skills.  Me, I was horrified and bitterly disappointed.
 

But I digress as usual…


Laura’s debut album was followed by a trilogy of what I believe to be among the most brilliant, mind-bending, gut-wrenching, personal collections of songs ever assembled: Eli and The Thirteenth Confession, New York Tendaberry, and Christmas and The Beads of Sweat (which has a superb cover of Carole King’s “Up on the Roof”). I could write volumes about each album.  Instead, I’ll simply quote one song from each:


Kisses from you in the flames of December’s boudoir
They fill me like melons
Touch me with chivalry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd8NsFjZCHc
“December’s Boudoir,” from Eli and the Thirteenth Confession


New York tendaberry, blueberry
Rush on rum of brush and drum
And the past is a blue note inside me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoLfWiSGRZ4&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL54D136A1D7FC1C18
“New York Tendaberry,” title track from New York Tendaberry
 

Merry boat on the river, freedom
Fresh dreams to deliver freedom
Over and over and over and over I call out your name
God’s standing on the brown earth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzYzCq4-R2A&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL7BCAD48C6F20A7EC
“Brown Earth,” from Christmas and the Beads of Sweat


The harmonies on these albums, usually on the chorus, are all tracked over by Laura, and their excitement and joy is palpable.  (In the 70’s and 80’s, she sometimes had a “harmony group” accompany her in concert, but the vocalists never matched the intricacies of her own harmonies done in the studio.) 


Then came Gonna Take A Miracle, a collection of covers from Smokey (the title track), Martha Reeves (“Dancing in the Street” and “Jimmy Mack”), Aretha (“Spanish Harlem,” definitely one of my least favorite tracks since ain’t nobody who can do Aretha) and others.  You wanna sing along to fun fun songs at the top of your lungs? This is the album.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EK-XUJu46UQ (sorry about the stupid embedded lyrics).
 

Laura’s later albums – Smile, Nested, Walk the Dog and Light the Light, Mother’s Spiritual – had one or two songs that matched her early brilliance.  Maybe it was the agenda-oriented lyrics, rather than the pure sex and passion that permeated her earlier work, that made these subsequent efforts less than inspiring from a musical standpoint.  Or her  greatly reduced vocal abilities.  And as her creative output lessened, and the compilation albums increased, the worst thing – again musically -  happened: a series of live albums were issued, and Laura’s vocal problems became magnified.  I still cringe when I hear her sing “Sweet Blindness” live on Stoned Soul Picnic: The Best of Laura Nyro.


My musical goddess had unraveled.


But the heartbreak wasn’t over.  In 1997, the year in which I was diagnosed with MS, Laura died. 
 

This essay should end right here. 


Except for one thing:  After she died, Angel in the Dark, recorded while she was suffering from the cancer that killed her, was released.  And Laura’s soaring voice was resurrected.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HhJRxRxOQo


Triple Goddess Twilight, slow down. Feel the land, violet everywhere, I'll meet you there.
“Triple Goddess Twilight,” from Angel in The Dark

 

 

The Lawyer vs. The Writer

I've been a total bum, dissing my own blog to work on my novel - feverishly, I might add...

I expected my last revisions to Client Relations to be done by now. But no-oh-oh!! I'm on a tear.

Anyway, considering how distracted I've been (really, since November, when my latest big push began), I thought I'd re-post one of my earliest posts. It's very apropos for me right now...

*******
The Lawyer vs. The Writer

Lawyer: The parties executed a separation agreement on June 25, 2009, approximately two years from the commencement of the action for divorce.

Writer: Paul grasped his pen as if it were a bayonet. Across the conference table, Elaine leaned her chin on her hand and suppressed a yawn at the sight of her husband's consternation. What's the big deal, she wondered? After two years, just write your goddamn initials underneath mine. Every page, just like the lawyers had instructed. She heaved a theatrical sigh as he finally scribbled his name under hers on the last page. Finally. All the lawyers had to do was not smear the ink from their notary stamps all over the page. And fill in the date: June 25, 2009. The hemorrhaging was about to end.

Testosterone-Tanked Traders - A Rant

I've been distracted, working like a lunatic on revisions to Client Relations (I found an excellent writers' website by sheer happenstance - TheNextBigWriter.com - great bunch of writers there).

Along with being wrapped up in the Republican wrangling for the nomination (meltdown followed by meltdown), the near-daily debacles in Congress, the gut-churning insanity of the financial markets (up 150 points today, down 150 yesterday). And I'm not even mentioning the global stage....whew!

No wonder my poor blog is lonely!

But right now, I'm really frosted at all the pro-Occupy Wall Streeters who cheered - mostly from afar, not in downtown Manhattan - a bunch of purposeless people who trashed a private park for months. The "Occupy" people were protesting something (what, exactly?), without ever bothering to get permits. How hard would getting the proper permits have been? Seriously?

The protestors added to the woes of a strapped NYC budget by straining the overburdened sanitation workers and police department -- all for the sake of YouTube videos. While the secretaries, messengers, copy clerks, deli workers, shop owners - stepped over the trash and tried to ignore the media circus so they could get to work every day.

Their distant, armchair supporters across the country didn't have to deal with any of that.
Tsk, tsk, shame on me for having no mercy on the "unwashed poor." Wait, I'm paying NY taxes, among the highest in the nation - while the rest of the country dumps their "unwashed poor" on NY.

Wanna get a movement to counter the marginal but disproportionately powerful Tea Partyites? Have a simple, unifying purpose. Lobby for political influence. Organize to capture elections.

Maybe the 99% concept, which eventually resulted from the ogling media attention the Occupy people captured in the fall, will gain lasting traction in the political arena. Although I'm skeptical, given the lack of money, influence and celebrity (that's right, I said celebrity - Is Sarah Palin, on the opposite side of the spectrum - anything else?) support.

Where the hell are those enraptured, embrace-the-unwashed-poor, anti-Wall Street people now? Apart from maybe (finally?) realizing that their 401-ks suffer when Wall Street shudders, as it has been since last May?

They're certainly not paying attention to the latest wtf moment that lays out the searing issue that Occupy movement SHOULD have been about: Reversing -and strengthening - the regulation of our financial institutions and financial markets.

Sound dull? Uh-uh.

Even the pro-business commentators on CNBC yesterday were flabbergasted at the sworn testimony of former Senator and current MF Global CEO Jon Corzine before a Congressional committee. (Yeah, Congress was actually doing something - hard to believe, I know.) You see, at least $1.2 billion in customer funds has vanished - poof! - from MF Global, causing the company to go belly-up.

What happened to all the money? Congressional representatives asked him. They grilled him for hours.

"I simply do not know where the money is," he said. "I'm not in a position...to know." Huh? The CEO doesn't know and is in no position to know? Wait, isn't a CEO supposed to be, like, in charge of the whole company?

I'm thinking about all the farmers who hedged their risks against bad growing seasons, never suspecting that their funds were being gambled on European debt, and secreted away in the hinterlands.  They've no doubt figured out what the "MF" in MF Global stands for.

So what happened to the pro-Occupy Wall Street people? This is EXACTLY what that movement should have been about: the wholesale, large-scale theft of billions of dollars by financial institutions, money managers, wheeler-dealers, and testosterone-tanked traders - all as a result of over a decade of deregulation and indifference by the SEC and CFTC. The prime reason for the widest income disparities (the 99% vs 1%) in the US since the pre-Depression Era.

A wtf moment for Corzine, but also for the anti-Wall Streeters who aren't paying attention now that the young bodies illegally camped out in Zucotti Park aren't posing for the cameras anymore.

There, I've sort of gotten this out of my system.

The Confusion About Separation Agreements

Been so busy polishing my novel, Client Relations (coming along nicely, I think, I hope), that I've been neglectful of B to C.

I'm thinking of doing another HuffPo entry on separation agreements - how they're really negotiated, how they're really written. It seems many people mistakenly think we use simple forms all the time - bless those Legal Zoom people, they REALLY know what they're doing (right), including fill-in-the-blank form separation agreements.

NOT.

Anyway, while I pull the energy together for that article, which I'll post here, of course, I thought I'd re-post a related item that I wrote early on in the life of B to C last year.

And I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

***

Eight Emotions During and After The 'Closing'
In no particular order:

1. Exhaustion (from: negotiations, legal fees, pressure from spouse and family, emotional turmoil)
2. Relief (because the parentheticals in #1 are over)
3. Anxiety (about: financial future, ability to survive and bounce back emotionally, children where applicable)
4. Anger (i.e., why the hell did s/he have to put me/us through this?)
5. Sadness (about: the end of the marital relationship or the strains placed on it)
6. Guilt (that the relationship required a formal agreement in the first place)
7. Joy (that the parentheticals in #1 are over)
8. Emptiness

Setting Husbands Up For Supervised Visitation

There are a lot of angry dads in America who have lost temporary or permanent custody of their kids, and claim it was a setup. That the chips were stacked against them. Their voices are sometimes so loud, it sounds like "What, me paranoid? Is that what everyone's saying about me?"

But a recent scam in California was revealed in the LA Times, and then in the ABA Journal, that shows some of the dads may be right. At least, in Modesto, California.

Several bottom-feeder divorce lawyers, who represented divorcing wives, apparently hired a very shady private detective to set up their clients' husbands to make it harder for the husbands to win custody. The shady detective hired sexy, Vegas-y type women to date the husbands (the husband in the photo I saw was a plumpy dumpy guy), go out for drinks, and - bam!- the husbands would get arrested for drunk driving immediately after leaving the bar or restaurant, courtesy of the detective's contacts with the local police.

In the Plumpy Dumpy case, Mrs. Plumpy Dumpy was able to use the drunk driving incident to get an order restricting her husband to supervised visitation.

Now, it's not clear to me whether Mr. Plumpy Dumpy actually was driving drunk. He was certainly thinking with the wrong body part when he pursued the gorgeous blonde, whom he mistook for having a genuine interest in him. He actually believed her when "she told him he had large, strong hands" and "described his kisses as 'yummy.'" Sorry, but that sounds like hooker-speak to me.

It's also not clear if the divorce lawyers, or just their over-eager paralegal staff, made these dastardly (what a great adjective) arrangements. And I don't know if they will be hauled in front of their local grievance committee.

But that begs the question: did Mr. Plumpy-Dumpy deserve to lose unsupervised access to his kids for this? It was a set-up, for crying out loud. Depressed, lonely middle-aged plumy-dumpy goes for young brassy blonde with hot turn-on words. Duh. Plumpy-Dumpy was an easy mark.

Maybe we should flip the question around: Did the kids deserve to lose access to one of their parents because their parent was lured to a bar by a woman who had been paid by their mom's lawyers (via the detective's bank), and picked up by cops who had been tipped off by their mom's lawyers?

Mrs. Plumpy Dumpy claims she didn't want her husband to get arrested. Her lawyers profess ignorance about the entire matter.

So now, I wonder, who showed the worst judgment of all in this whole sordid mess?

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-dui-setup-20111017,0,7922829.story?page=1
ttp://www.abajournal.com/news/article/private_detective_accused_of_setting_up_divorcing_men_for_duis_with_help_of


Scams like this are yet another arrow in the quiver of lawyer haters.