tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4319901213210275562024-03-05T12:23:30.473-05:00From Bedroom to CourtroomPerspectives Of A Divorce LawyerTerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.comBlogger125125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-69178177039445020102016-02-06T16:01:00.000-05:002016-02-06T16:01:25.231-05:00Book Of Genesis: Ethical Issue?<br />
<br />
When Genesis represents her former roommate in a divorce case, against the man who secretly preyed on her twenty years earlier, is there a conflict of interest? Should she disclose the predation to her client, something she's hidden from everyone in her life, and that she's struggled to forget herself, as so many survivors of sexual abuse have tried?<br />
<br />
As an ethical matter, I would disclose any past involvement with an opposing spouse to a potential client, no matter how long ago it happened. Here's an excellent blog post I found, when researching the duty of a lawyer to disclose an affair with opposing counsel or the opposing spouse:<br />
<br />
http://www.lawpeopleblog.com/2012/04/practical-practice-tips-lawyers-lusting-after-clients-and-their-spouses/<br />
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Because child sex abuse is so fraught with an even wider net of complications, I believe that where an attorney survivor of sexual abuse by the opposing spouse wants to bury her past by not disclosing what happened, she should simply decline the representation.<br />
<br />
Pontificating about ethics, when you're not the one in the trenches, is so easy.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-83957298821725166372016-02-06T15:51:00.001-05:002016-02-06T16:21:49.411-05:00My New Novel: Book Of Genesis <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Oops, I just realized that I haven't provided any specifics about the plot of Book Of Genesis...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Here's my preliminary blurb:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Genesis Platt, a divorce lawyer, survived a predatory relationship in prep school. Two decades later, she represents her estranged roommate (Blaire Abbott), who married the predator (Connor Sanchez) without knowing what had happened between Connor and Genesis. The case promises to be complicated, since Connor has frittered away millions of Blaire’s dollars. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: medium; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">When Connor claims he’s a gambling addict who’s being extorted and attacked by his bookies, Genesis discovers the real reason for his problems: He’s preyed on other girls at the school for decades, even through the present, and some of his victims are out for revenge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-67799840070691185212016-02-06T15:43:00.001-05:002016-02-06T16:27:10.793-05:00Prep School Sex Abuse: What Can Be Done?<span style="font-family: inherit;">Back in the 1970's, sexual predation at my boarding school occurred regularly. Although the administration knew about it, and certainly had received complaints over the years about teachers who had engaged in improper, if not illegal, sexual relationships with numerous students, the students went unheeded - even blamed - while the predators went unpunished.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">To this day, the school's attitude is essentially, 'Aw, come on, it was the seventies.' The school has taken no efforts to reach out to alienated survivors struggling with the traumatic after-effects of abuse that have haunted them through the decades. The school's current manual has utterly insufficient standards and practices for reporting abuse, counseling or investigating reported incidents, or for avoiding abuse in the future.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This, despite the highly publicized abuse scandal at Horace Mann, and the intensive efforts of a dedicated group of Horace Mann survivors and supporters that funded their own investigation after their school (like mine and countless other elite private high schools) continued to ignore the sordid taint on their illustrious legacy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A high respected jurist, Leslie Crocker Snyder, the investigator retained by the Horace Mann Action Coalition, ultimately issued a scathing report on the Horace Mann events that also contained a detailed list of recommendations to address as well as avoid future abuse at private schools that can be read here:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">http://makingschoolsafe.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/MakingSchoolSafeReport.pdf</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I forwarded the report to my alma mater's current administration, via the Chair of the Board of Trustees, who happened to be one of my fellow '70s alums.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The result?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Silence. Even from the vast majority of my fellow alums who, like me, are not survivors of such abuse but have known about it 'through the grapevine,' or through the personal confidences of our survivor friends who can't or won't come forward for reasons of their own.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We must respect the wishes of our survivor friends, but for God's sake we should support them!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are three things all of us -- survivors and non-survivors alike-- can do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">First, and at the very least, pressure the school to acknowledge the past as more than 'oh, it was the seventies, when standards were relaxed, the curriculum was free-wheeling, and the student body was sub-par' (I'm accurately paraphrasing the words of our associate head emeriti, who is not only blinded by her enthusiasm for the school, but dissing many recent and current members of Board of Trustees, plus thousands of brilliant women who are generous alums).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Second, lobby the school to adopt Judge Snyder's recommendations for screening, investigaring, reporting, and counseling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And finally, join the effort to end New York's disgracefully short statute of limitations on claims by child sex abuse survivors. Our statute ranks as one of the worst four in the country. It's long past time for us to pry our state from the clutches of religious and insurance-industry interest groups, in order to provide redress for survivors.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-29522934403690395902016-02-06T15:25:00.002-05:002016-02-06T15:25:47.459-05:00Evolution of Book Of Genesis: Part 2<div style="color: #9ba8bf; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">During the spring of 2014, I told a few fellow alums of my plans for writing a novel about a divorce lawyer who had survived teacher predation at her elite, all girls' prep school. My plans were not well received, to put it mildly. One woman called my home, insisting that I not write this book. Several others told me the book would upset a lot of alums, and that it would definitely piss off the school. I was told to expect to lose friends and acquaintances from our alum community if I proceeded.</span></div>
<div style="color: #9ba8bf; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #9ba8bf; font-family: arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">One of my colleagues, however, mentioned the widespread sexual abuses at the Horace Mann School in Riverdale, New York, that had been exposed in <em style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">The New York Times</em>. I'm ashamed to admit that I had no knowledge of the Horace Mann scandals, and that I'd had no idea that prep school predation had occurred at any school other than my own.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">Since then, I've read Amos Kamil's articles in both the <i>NYT </i>and <i>The New Yorker</i>, along with stories in <i>The Wall Street Journal </i>and scores of other reports about abuses at other American prep schools. </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">Those schools include, in no particular order: Yeshiva, Poly Prep, Carolina Friends, Deerfield, Hackley, Woodward, Green Meadow Waldorf, The International School, St. Paul's, The Potomac School, Indian Mountain, Williston Northampton, Marlborough School, Solebury School, St. Francis Prep, Fessenden School, The American School in Japan, Hotchkiss, and most recently, St. George's School... the list of private secondary schools with predator teachers amongst their midst doesn't stop with the latest sordid revelation. It just keeps growing.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">As for my own alma mater? Silence, to this day. Except for the ponderous tome extolling the proud legacy of our indomitable founder, in which the emeritus assistant head of school unapologetically avers that the sexual abuses of students during my era by "a few" misguided teachers was an anomaly brought about by the subpar quality of the student body (not even kidding) and the permissiveness of the seventies. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">To which I say: Bullshit.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-77807179790325439622016-02-06T15:22:00.003-05:002016-02-06T16:24:43.937-05:00Evolution of Book Of Genesis: Part I<br />
<div style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: #9ba8bf; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px;">
<div style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: #9ba8bf; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">Book Of Genesis is a novel inspired by true events that occurred not only at my own alma mater, but at many other boarding schools in the northeastern United States, between the late 1960's and the mid 1990's. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: #9ba8bf; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br style="-webkit-user-select: text !important;" /></div>
<div style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: #9ba8bf; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">In private secondary schools, certain faculty members abused their positions of trust and authority to prey on vulnerable students. The schools turned a blind eye to known or suspected sexual abusers, blaming the students, or blaming the leniency of the times -- but always protecting the reputation of the school above all else.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: #9ba8bf; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br style="-webkit-user-select: text !important;" /></div>
<div style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: #9ba8bf; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">Rumors of 'affairs' involving a few teachers and students at my own school were whispered behind cupped palms during my student days. Gossip within the bubble of our small community in upstate New York was to be expected; it was only after I was a twenty-plus-year alum that I learned how many students had been preyed upon during my three-year tenure at the school, that some of the perps had been highly-respected teachers (a few even had endowed chairs named after them), and how searing the survivors' experiences had been during school and the ensuing decades. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: #9ba8bf; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br style="-webkit-user-select: text !important;" /></div>
<div style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: #9ba8bf; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">I hadn't understood why so many of my most beloved friends from school had simply vanished, whereabouts unknown to anyone -- even Google. Several had chosen to remain in touch with only one or two select friends, retaining outsized levels of bitterness and anger from their prep school days that far exceeded my own lingering feelings of adolescent alienation. </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">Maybe predation was the cause of their self-imposed isolation from the rest of us; maybe not.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;">All I knew was that, although I had escaped the attention of those predators when I was a student, others hadn't been so lucky, and that I owed it to them to write this story.</span></div>
<br />
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</div>
<br />
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<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="-webkit-user-select: text !important; color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br /></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-85742168679830941092016-01-27T22:34:00.001-05:002016-02-06T15:45:36.174-05:00Story Structure BluesWow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted here.<br />
<br />
Not like I've had nothing to say, mind you. But when <i>Client Relations </i>didn't sell in the early spring of 2014 (sixteen publishers' rejections in five weeks was enough for my agent to pull it from the market), I was pretty demoralized. Five years of work up in smoke.<br />
<br />
My agent's advice? Write another book and make it a bestseller.<br />
<br />
No problem.<br />
<br />
I ruminated. I shopped online for things I didn't need. I played games on my iPad. I walked the dog.<br />
<br />
And as for book two? I posted in September 2014 that I was writing a story about prep school predation, and that I'd drafted ten chapters already.<br />
<br />
After that, well I came up with more plotting ideas, then wrapped myself around a flagpole for months about the right story structure. Then I chugged away, still indecisive about whether to write the story chronologically, whether to bookend the present events with extensive flashbacks, or whether (like <i>Client Relations) </i>to sprinkle small flashbacks into the present day plot line.<br />
<br />
I'm still struggling with this, since the predator's 'grooming' and actual abuse are so critical to the story. I got smacked upside the head in some writing groups - really hard, the most recent time around. And now I've solidified my thoughts for the umpteenth time. So I'm writing again.<br />
<br />
So what if it's a year or more later and I'm still working on the first third of my book?<br />
<br />
Sigh.<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-10772682761008190512014-12-01T02:42:00.000-05:002014-12-01T02:51:34.093-05:00Research Versus WritingWhen I used to play a lot of music, late night hours were always my favorite. A couple of decades later, I haven't changed. The only difference is, I've swapped one kind of keyboard for another.<br />
<br />
I'm working on Genesis, like I last posted back in September. I've written the first ten chapters, workshopping it online, and hoping to move quicker so I have a full working draft finished by next summer - wow, that would be nice.<br />
<br />
I get sidetracked by research, of course. I've been called a 'voracious researcher,' a 'relentless researcher,' a 'tireless researcher.' I don't know if those are actually compliments, or insults, to be honest. I admit, I research every teeny tiny detail to death.<br />
<br />
Some people tell writers not to research before they write; to get their ideas down on paper, and fact-check everything later. Because research is so distracting, it detracts from the creative process.<br />
<br />
They may well be correct, but hell, I'm a lawyer. Trained to research first and foremost, before describing a single fact or event.<br />
<br />
So I'm ignoring that advice. Which may explain why, after four months, I'm just starting to write chapter eleven!<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-16250385921222120012014-09-03T21:35:00.002-04:002014-12-01T02:44:31.612-05:00The Power of SeductionIt took me half the spring, and the entire summer. And now, after Labor Day, I still can't figure out why Client Relations -- five years in the making - garnered sixteen publishers' rejections, a mere five weeks after submission date.<br />
<br />
'I just didn't LOVE it,' the most common theme in my rejection letters, didn't provide me with much guidance. But after that many rapid rejections, my agent considered the book unsaleable. So I'm shaking my head and trying to move on. Totally demoralizing. It's tough to get my creative spark reignited, especially when I'm already insecure about my fiction writing skills...<br />
<br />
The abuse of power will be the subject of my next book, tentatively titled, 'Book Of Genesis: A Novel. I was inspired to write it by a slew of still unpunished, un-'outed' faculty predators at my own high school, Back In The Day and thereafter.<br />
<br />
Their abuses are dispassionately acknowledged by an administrator in her recent (indie-published) tome that chronicles the generally blue-ribbon history of the school, without any apology to traumatized former students. I'm outraged, quite honestly. So I'm creating my story about a lawyer who survived that ordeal herself, when she was a student at a school somewhat akin to my alma mater.<br />
<br />
I've outlined the skeleton of my novel, and I'm starting the workshop process all over again. I'm hoping this time, my novel writing will not consume too many years, even if it proves to be equally or even more laborious than Client Relations.<br />
<br />
The subject of 'Genesis' is wrenching, and my protagonist is already proving herself a survivor - this, when I'm barely four chapters in.<br />
<br />
My workshop buddy and I have already jumped into the fray with each other, over who is seducing whom. My theory is: The seducer/seductress is the one who has more power than his/her partner(s). And emotional power can be just as big a force as physical power.<br />
<br />
I'll see how the story develops and where my characters take me. I suspect that my outline will get a little torn as I go along.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-40343888248938046432014-06-05T14:17:00.002-04:002014-06-05T14:18:54.285-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 14Well, the fat lady sang.<br />
<br />
Within about six weeks, all sixteen (A-List) publishers responded to Client Relations with a resounding...NO.<br />
<br />
Which means that landing an agent isn't the end of the story. I'm back to square one,<br />
<br />
My agent has told me to shelve Client Relations for now, and come up with a new book idea that will be a best seller. Her advice is, if book one doesn't sell well, book two will be a tough sell, so she wants my first book to be strongly positioned. So my next book one needs to be a killah book: A NYT Bestseller.<br />
<br />
No sweat, I'm working on it.<br />
<br />
Sigh.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-45276926234783468842014-06-05T14:07:00.002-04:002014-06-05T14:22:49.221-04:00Sex Site CommentsUmm I don't want to be rude but...<br />
<br />
I've gotten a few comments, all very complimentary but linking their sex-toy sites, in response to some of my posts.<br />
<br />
I sincerely appreciate the kind words, but I can't and won't publish posts with those kinds of links. Apologies, but even I have my limits.<br />
<br />
So thank you to the anonymouses and the vibe operators and porn services who've contacted me, but I must respectfully decline to publicize your sites.<br />
<br />
I wish I could say I was kidding about this, but it's a wild and wooly place out here in InternetWorld.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-19834488928001125852014-02-24T01:52:00.003-05:002014-02-25T02:40:46.752-05:00Divorce Warrior: Post-Apocalypse Survival Tips(This article also appears on <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terri-weiss/divorce-warrior-postapoca_b_4844971.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce-advice">Huffington Post</a>.)<br />
<br />
You’ve made it through to the other side. Both you and your
spouse signed the settlement agreement – it’s got those fancy notary stamps,
and every page of every copy was properly initialed. The judge signed the final
order or judgment, and the county clerk stamped it. Everything’s official.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That darn agreement took months, maybe years to negotiate
and finalize. The court papers? They followed what feels like a lifetime of
anguish. Yet, after all that, you’re not completely sure you know what you need
to do next. The agreement is longer than The Bible, and full of legal
gibberish. The court papers have the same problem. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You think of asking your lawyer to distill everything to its
comprehensible essence, except you don’t want to prolong <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> relationship or add to the already ridiculously high legal
fees, right?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t say I blame you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But after enduring and surviving the nightmare (see my
recent blog post, <a href="http://bedroom-to-courtroom.blogspot.com/2014/02/when-its-war.html">Divorce
Warrior Survival Tips</a>, also published on <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terri-weiss/when-its-war_b_4757837.html">HuffPo</a>),
you do not want to run the risk of violating what cost so much money, so much
heartache, and so much energy to finalize. Your head might reeling, but it’s
still on your neck. So let’s keep it there, okay?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here are ways to sort through the mess, before you heave
those nasty papers into your bottom drawer:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Parenting Time<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Enter the days and times in your computer/phone calendar as
far out as you can. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you’re not a techie, buy a five-year planner and manually
enter the dates.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The dates should include all ‘notify by’ dates.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Try color-coding your time versus your spouse’s/partner’s.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Include important school and camp dates as soon as they’re
available (e.g., teacher conferences, plays, due dates for forms, parent
events, etc.).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forms<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
List every form that still needs to be exchanged, now or in
the future.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those could include medical information forms, educational and camp forms, passports, changes of address, insurance, and estate documents.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Notification
Information<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
List all necessary addresses, telephone numbers and email
contacts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those may include third parties like doctors, therapists,
court officials, accountants, real estate brokers, and financial institutions.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Asset Transfers<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Use your calendar to enter when and what remains to be done.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This could include dividing your bank accounts, notifying
the human resources department about your pension and insurance information, advising
account representatives to change the name on your accounts, working with your
real estate broker to list your home, moving your personal property to the
agreed-upon location, signing tax returns and tax refund checks, placing orders
to exercise stock options, and paying or receiving funds.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Support<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Calendar/list the amount of spousal support to be paid,
specifying the starting and ending dates. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Same for child support.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Same for tuition, extra-curriculars and camp.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Note the percentages to be paid or received for medical,
dental and professional fees.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*You may be unhappy with the award or agreement – in fact,
it could infuriate you -- but until it’s changed by court order or agreement,
it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is </i>binding.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The above is by no means comprehensive, but I hope it
provides useful ideas for regaining control over your life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your agreement or decree is complicated -- I confess that
most of mine have been guilty of both complexity and length. Lawyers on both
sides of your case probably insisted on language, or litigated issues, that may
still seem ridiculous to you; indeed, they may have been, although only those
in the trenches of your case can opine on that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But you’re done now. Really, you are. Don’t go back if you
can help it. Your sanity -- what’s left of it -- depends on it, along with your
remaining miniscule funds, and the two or three people who are still speaking
to you. If your ex forces your case back to the lawyers and the courts, at
least you’ll have a better handle on the results of Round One…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If all this is too overwhelming, you may well need to hold
your nose and yank out your checkbook (again), to ask your lawyer or other
professional for help in organizing the life ahead of you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-67608411153028208182014-02-11T01:31:00.003-05:002014-02-20T01:21:02.951-05:00Divorce Warrior Survival Tips<span style="font-family: inherit;">Punishing
court orders pelt you until you can hardly see straight. The motions keep
coming; you're in court all the time. Child Protective Services is pounding
down your door and your in-laws are pressing charges. You're broke; you're
incarcerated; you're terrified.</span><br />
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sound
like a nightmare? For many, it’s reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It isn't
limited to gender, race, age, or economic status. And when it hits your home,
and your family, you must have inner fortitude, and external resources, to stay
on your feet. Without both, chances are you'll be putty, or worse, by the time
it's over. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m
addressing YOU. Yes, YOU. The one who hasn’t stolen or concealed any assets.
The one who’s never threatened or abused anyone. (Cases of violence and abuse
fall outside the scope of this article.) You might have had an affair or two --
no, not in front of your kids, not like that excuses infidelity. You might not
make as much money as you should, but you haven’t deliberately suppressed your
income or tried to fail at life. You’ve bellyached about the bills, but you’ve
paid them, although they may have been a day or two late while your paycheck
cleared. You always made the kids available to the other parent who never made
any time for them, until it became pointless to try anymore. In short, you’re
not entirely blameless for the relationship’s demise. No one ever is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Even
so, although you might not love your spouse or partner anymore, you don’t hate
his/her guts. If you had your way, the old Soviet concept of peaceful coexistence
might be your creed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But
you don’t have that option. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Because
your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or ex hates your guts, down to the
very fiber of his/her being. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There’s
a remote chance of disarmament that could avoid mutual assured destruction.
(Interesting how old-school international relations jargon is so applicable
here.) Make the effort at rapprochement, even if s/he appears unwilling. Try to
recognize what pushes buttons, including yours, and avert avoidable problems. If
relatively civil discourse is still possible, talk to him/her -- without lots
of extra bodies around to muck it up, because that’s exactly what will happen
if you don’t grab the opportunity. In fact, don’t ever shut down the
communications pipeline, or at least the possibility of it, no matter how implausible
it may seem at any given moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay,
fast forward to tomorrow. You tried your best to keep the peace, and it didn’t
work. Marriage counseling proved hopeless or counter-productive. Home has
become a combat zone, where you’re ducking grenades lobbed at you from every
corner. Then it gets worse. Your spouse/partner/ex calls in heavy artillery: The
cops, CPS, in-laws… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Trust
your eyes and ears; trust your gut. Recognize what’s happening. And then brace
yourself, for heaven’s sake. Prepare <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">before</i>
the proverbial fan spatters your space with unspeakable slime from the court
system. Remember what I said at the outset: Inner fortitude, external
resources?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let’s
start with external resources. This isn’t the time to be a martyr or pretend
you’re self-sufficient. Delusions are a luxury you can’t afford -- you need all
the help you can get. You’ve got to locate and accept that help, in the face of
the impending onslaught. And no, no, of course drugs and alcohol don’t count. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There
have been plenty of discussions about therapists. I’ve seen rotten ones who
stir the pot, and decent ones who really do help people cope. Either way, mental
health professionals aren’t the only resource. Many in crisis search for
guidance from clergy, too -- even non-believers. And sometimes the best, or only,
available shoulders are those of friends and family (but those communications
aren’t privileged, so your well-intentioned BFF or your favorite cousin could
tell your ex <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everything </i>without legal
repercussions). In any event, a solid emotional support system is imperative. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Along
with legal support. With your personal DEFCON level moving from yellow to red,
i.e., increasing in intensity, you have no choice but to consult a matrimonial
lawyer. What is said during the consult will be a privileged communication (even
if you don’t hire that particular lawyer). You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">must</i> tell the lawyer all the facts. Leave nothing out; assume
nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sure,
matrimonial lawyers have seen it all, but that doesn’t mean we can sense what’s
going on in your case. The Think Method in ‘The Music Man’ was a total scam.
Experienced practitioners may suspect how nasty your case could get, based on
the identity and reputation of opposing counsel. But if there’s no lawyer on
the other side yet, or opposing counsel is either unknown or schizoid (I’m not
being overly facetious here), there’s no way for your lawyer to predict very
much -- especially when you don’t disclose everything you know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What
if you don’t tell the truth about the facts in your case, like what caused your
spouse’s/partner’s/ex’s anger to fester and boil, because you're afraid the
lawyer won't take your case? And what if you don’t disclose the name of the
other lawyer, for the same reason?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not
a smart move. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When
your lawyer finds out afterward that you’ve been concealing vital underlying
facts, chances are that s/he will dump out of the representation. You’ll be
lawyerless again. Try finding a new lawyer, when the old one explains to potential
counsel that you, the client, were ‘fired’ for lying. Or when potential counsel
reviews the court order that granted leave for your old lawyer to withdraw from
the case due to the ‘irretrievable breakdown of the attorney-client
relationship.’ Any fool can figure out what that really means. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Assuming
your lawyer has stayed on the case despite your non-disclosures, you’ll face
this equally nightmarish scenario: Mounting, astronomical bills that you can’t
afford and could never pay, unless you win the lottery. Wars are expensive –
just look at our national debt after near-simultaneous triple engagements in
the Middle East. So you’ll add suffocating debt to your personal misery, and
your lawyer will <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> want another
uncollectable receivable. Then, as the barrage nears thermonuclear proportions and
you can’t pay your legal fees, guess who’s looking at a motion to withdraw?
That’s right. You again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Honesty
will dramatically improve the odds of hiring a lawyer you can afford, and who will
stick by you as your case spirals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What
if you didn’t expect a war? Look into your heart. Look at the relationship
between you and your spouse/partner/ex. Really, was war so unexpected? If you’d
confided in your therapist, priest, rabbi, sibling -- or lawyer -- sooner, you
might have gotten a reality check and a head’s up. And you might not have
gotten in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">over </i>your head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But that
was then and this is now. You sincerely believe you gave your lawyer all the
information, and that you provided ample warning that yours was the case from
hell. Alternatively, you never thought your spouse/partner/ex would take the
dispute so far. Regardless, you’re in a hot zone, right here, right now. And you’re
screwed, because you are where this article put you in its opening paragraph:
Broke, in jail, and scared witless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Which
means you need money. (Yes, I’m still talking about external resources.) Money
solves all three problems: It pays the bills, it bails you out, and it buys
some peace of mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I
can’t speak to the other professionals, but regarding your lawyer, you need to
find some source of funding. Depending on your case, the money might come from
court-ordered funds of your spouse/partner/ex; it might come from a financial
institution in the form of a loan; it might come in the form of periodic
payments from a third party or from you. You might qualify for legal assistance
or even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">pro bono </i>representation in
your jurisdiction. Note, however, that the law flatly prohibits contingency
fee-based divorces.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If
no money is forthcoming for legal fees, a court may direct your lawyer to stay
on your case anyway. Or you may be forced to hire a cheaper one, or proceed
without counsel altogether (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">pro se</i> is
the legal term for going it alone). Divorce insurance, union-covered divorce
lawyers -- those might be options for some people. But for you, the unlucky
soul who doesn’t qualify for any financial assistance, because you make too
much <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and </i>too little? All I know is, there’s
no escaping the reality that lawyers need to be paid, like roofers and plumbers
and vets. Although we didn’t hook you up with your spouse or partner in the
first place, you can call us a necessary evil. Or unnecessary, if you prefer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">With
or without counsel, you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">still</i> need
another person in your corner. That emotional support system I referred to earlier
is vital when your case is banging a stake through your heart. Without friends,
family, a therapist, clergyperson, and/or a lawyer, you will have a
near-impossible cliff to scale. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You
absolutely, positively cannot be alone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This
brings me to the heart of this article: Most of all, you need <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you. </i>Without the will to survive, you’ll
fall off the precipice. Tighten your resolve because the time has come -- the
time is now -- to call on every internal resource you have. The war won’t have
any winners, but it will have survivors. You must be among them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Many
believe that inner fortitude comes from religious faith. Others believe it
comes from personal qualities, either innate or developed over time. Some say
it derives from love of family, of self, of life…Perhaps it’s simply a
combination of obstinacy, anger, and instinct, after you’ve been repeatedly
mauled. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I
don’t care where it comes from; I only care that it exists. And that YOU have
it. So that you can truly tell yourself, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No,
I won’t give up; I will get through this.</i> No matter how terrible things
get, you must have complete conviction that the war will end someday --
hopefully sooner rather than later, and that your life will be happy again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It
will, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m
not a motivational speaker; I’m no coach. I’m just a lawyer and a writer. Nonetheless,
I firmly believe in the power of self, and the drive to endure in the face of
almost insurmountable odds. ‘No’ is not a viable option, not for any human
being who is facing one of the worst crises in his/her life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe
you didn’t need a matrimonial lawyer to tell you all this. On the other hand, maybe
you didn’t realize that we <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">get</i> it. Sometimes,
you find compassion in unexpected places. And if you don’t, well, take a deep
breath, hold your head higher, and wait for morning. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />This article also appears on <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terri-weiss/when-its-war_b_4757837.html">Huffington Post</a> and <a href="http://www.divorcesaloon.com/2014/02/19/divorce-war-survival-tips/">Divorce Saloon</a></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-14464044608566909002014-02-10T02:00:00.002-05:002014-02-23T23:40:59.897-05:00The Great Literary Agent Race: Part 13Thirteen is a lucky number in my house. Both kids were born on dates with multiples of thirteen. So I'm using thirteen to post my last article in this 'agent race' series. I'm hoping that what would have been number fourteen will, instead, be number one in a new beginning for my book and for me.<br />
<br />
Back to the race, though.<br />
<br />
Actually, it's not a race anymore. It's a waiting game.<br />
<br />
I've done everything I was supposed to do: I added a few scenes, I created a website (all by myself!) at <a href="http://terrilweiss.com/">terrilweiss.com</a>, I checked over my manuscript again (did I say <i>again</i>?!), and I'm increasing my activity on the Web. I'm so obedient! Every day, I thank my lucky stars that I've gotten this far.<br />
<br />
So now what?<br />
<br />
Well, my agent did what she promised, too. My book blurb is in her <a href="http://www.dystel.com/newsletter/newsletter-59-january-2014/">January 2014 newsletter</a>. I was afraid to follow up, so I waited two weeks to ask what to expect. She told me the blurb had yielded some requests, and she set a submission date: On February 25, she will be sending my manuscript to all the publishers who've requested it. She'll let me know who or how many as the submission date approaches.<br />
<br />
After that, it will be anywhere from two weeks to six months for an editor to request more information or whatever. (I'm confident Jane will keep me posted, but I'll probably email her in mid-March if I haven't heard anything by then.)<br />
<br />
I say 'whatever,' because I've never had this experience. I have no idea exactly what will happen, if anything. And I sure as hell don't want to jinx myself by even <i>thinking</i> about it anymore!<br />
<br />
So here I am, being, umm, cool, calm and collected. <div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-45035213505535154702014-02-03T23:42:00.001-05:002014-02-06T05:00:08.302-05:00Face To Face With Big Baddd NYC Agents<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just wrote a <a href="http://wnba-nyc.org/guest-blog-how-query-roulette-worked-for-me/"><span style="color: #0000e9;">guest blog post</span></a> for the NYC Chapter of the
Women's National Book Association. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Honest, their annual 'Query Roulette' is the best
author-agent meet-up out there. If you're an aspiring writer in the NYC metro
area - male or female - this event is worth every penny. (I've frittered away a
ton of money on miserable experiences!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here it is:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Four years of my life. I poured them into taps and
clicks, data losses and backups, writing classes and conferences, webinars and
online critique groups. Awake in the middle of the night, with my computer
screen reflecting against the blackness of my windows, everyone else in my time
zone was asleep. Well, unless they worked the night shift. Meanwhile, my kids
grew older and my dog died.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Still, like most writers, I dreamed the Big Dream:
Literary representation. And all I ever heard was how minuscule my chances
were. I don't know what kept me going: Obstinacy, maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I attended quite a few writers' conferences. Some
had two-minute 'pitch slams' that were harried, nerve-wracking affairs. Herded
into enormous conference rooms with hundreds of other anxiety-ridden writers, I
waited on lines that wrapped around corners, hoping the dozens of writers in
front of me wouldn’t
use up all the available time with the fifty or so agents in attendance.
Sometimes, the agents I wanted to see never showed up, or left before I made it
to the front.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At other
conferences, many agents made themselves available to attendees after their
presentations, surrounded by swarms of writers, initially polite but exhausted
by the time it was my turn. And some agents weren’t so polite – one even refused to shake my outstretched hand. I
won’t
name names…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At
conferences that had breakout critique groups, I endured ‘read alouds’ where agents read my opening
paragraphs to others in the group. I would shrink into my seat while an agent
ripped apart my verb choices. And it wasn’t just me. Those lucky few writers in the group who
were complimented were looked upon by the rest of us with awe – would they be among the
Chosen? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Reflecting
on those conferences, I shudder -- publicly humiliated, and privately
demoralized afterward. Recovery time varied, but it was usually weeks before I
felt like writing again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My first
Query Roulette was in 2010. It promised to be a more civilized affair: Ten
minutes, one-on-one, with agents whose names and bios I could fully research in
advance; no onlookers; no competition for the time slot I reserved; and I would
actually get to see the agents selected, without fear they would leave. And no
humiliating ‘read
alouds!’ I
also noticed that many of the agents were top names from top agencies. I was
sold.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And the
WNBA delivered, each time I went: In 2010, 2012 and 2013.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
prepared for each QR just as I had for the conferences: I researched agents by
combing their websites, plowing through every interview I could find. I checked
their client lists, looking at Amazon write-ups when I didn’t know who the clients were. I
even read Twitter posts to see what those agents were looking for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
prepared queries for each agent I chose, filling in individual names and
addresses, specifying why I chosen them in my actual query letter. I made two
copies of each letter to bring with me, along with printouts of agent bios and
relevant information.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On the
night of the event, my papers assembled in a tidy folder, I showed up fifteen
minutes early. Yes, the atmosphere was charged at the venue, a smallish space
where writers gathered in one waiting room, while agents hung out together
before the event started. The writers were supportive – some had even formed groups in
advance that reviewed queries. A few sat alone, looking frazzled; others were a
bit too gregarious. I was, however, pleasantly surprised at how friendly the
crowd was, especially the event organizers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When the
QR started, though, I braced myself for more negativism and more rejection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instead
of the writers’
conference insanity, QR was tightly monitored. The ten-minute time slots were
strictly controlled, so there was no risk of not seeing the agents I had
selected. Most agents were friendly, upbeat, and positive in their feedback – and most asked me to pitch my
book after they read my letter. Requests for pages, and for full manuscripts,
came right away. Sure, there were a few arrogant or unpleasant agents, but
instead of feeling exposed and helpless, I felt secure, knowing the WNBA had
everything covered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some of
the most helpful feedback came from agents who weren’t even interested in my book.
One told me to beef up my bio; another suggested ways to reveal more of the
story plot while still keeping it enticing. Others suggested altering my comps,
moving paragraphs around, and how to streamline language so that the query
would ‘pop.’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last August, after three QRs and
a million rewrites of my query letter and manuscript, I felt like I was finally
ready. Most of the agents I contacted were those I had met at QR, but I
also ‘cold queried’ a few, incorporating the QR feedback I had
received. Incredibly, I landed an agent – from one of
the ‘cold’ queries. <i>That’s </i>how good the QR advice
and feedback was!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-53228637674420139782013-11-02T05:36:00.001-04:002013-11-02T14:18:07.981-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 12.So, if you read 'Part 1' of this series, you're just about caught up to me.<br />
<br />
It turns out that Jane and her partner really liked my revisions, so -- heavy sigh of relief from me.<br />
<br />
They have suggested that I wait until after the holidays to have them market the book. And they want to market it by featuring it in their January 2014 newsletter, which goes to about 2,000 industry insiders. How cool is that?<br />
<br />
In the interim, I received three assignments from them:<br />
<br />
1. They asked me to do a conversational bio that didn't look like a c.v. Yikes. The only other bio I have is the three-sentence deal that I used in my query letter, or the one paragraph thingy that has been used for introducing me at CLE lectures.<br />
<br />
Another mental block that I had to overcome ... It took me a week or two, but I did it. It wasn't as bad as writing a synopsis!<br />
<br />
2. Next, I needed to draft a sales-pitchy blurb. For some reason, that wasn't as awful as doing the bio, maybe because I know Jane will be editing it. Blurb is now done.<br />
<br />
3. My final mission is to read the whole book again and make sure it's as perfect as possible, without adding or changing scenes. I.e., without messing with it. This one's going to need another week for me to gain a little distance from it.<br />
<br />
As to communication methods with my agent, well, right now I'm mostly using email. With my continued lunatic hours, it's the best way for me, and I'm sure I won't be interrupting her day with intrusive phone calls. Besides, I'm a brand new client of a top tier agent, and I know she's got to be rocking and rolling with year-end deals. I'm not about to be a pain her ass, even though she's welcomed me to call anytime. I see no need to bother her.<br />
<br />
Come her January newsletter, though, I may be more antsy!<br />
<br />
My best advice after this incredibly grueling journey?<br />
<br />
1. Believe in yourself.<br />
2. Believe in your book.<br />
3. Be open to learning.<br />
4. Be open to criticism, even though it sucks.<br />
5. Finish. A bunch of times.<br />
6. Edit, revise, until it's right, but it'll never be right until you can't do another damn thing to it.<br />
7. Treat writing as a business because it is.<br />
8. Research the hell out of <i>everything.</i><br />
9. Work your ass off.<br />
10. Don't give up.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
And that, dear readers, is the end of this series -- unless/until I have more to report...<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-23008858574193722022013-11-02T05:18:00.001-04:002013-11-02T06:04:58.684-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 11Most of us writers think about getting an agent's offer the same way a romance reader thinks about the heroine getting a marriage proposal from the leading man: 'And they lived happily ever after.'<br />
<br />
Except this is real life.<br />
<br />
First, I contacted all the agents who hadn't rejected me yet (the 'exclusive' e-mail I had sent around eventually yielded a few 'congratulations and no thanks' from two or three previous non-responders). My email had in the subject line "OFFER OF REPRESENTATION -- CLIENT RELATIONS.' Can I even describe how <i>awesome </i>that email made me feel? Actually, I can't describe it - I was in a state of suspended animation.<br />
<br />
My 'offer' email resulted in a few more auto-responses, plus one or two more rejections. And from the three lecturers? Two agents admitted to 'sour grapes' for lecturing me about the exclusive, another asked me to give her a week to read 'Client Relations' before accepting the offer. And that agent was also fabulous. So suddenly, after all these years of writing, revising, getting smacked around at conferences, attending wild and wooly writers' classes, dealing with faceless Internet comments -- suddenly, I was <i>wanted</i>.<br />
<br />
That was beyond disorienting.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I agreed to give the other agent a week to read, but you know what? After talking to Jane on the phone, a lot of things clicked into place. I checked her website, Publishers Marketplace, and a bunch of other blogs and sites over and over, giving myself my usual headache. I'm such a pain in my ass.<br />
<br />
The next day, I told Jane 'yes' and the other agent 'no.' And sent all the vacationers and remaining non-responders an email notifying them. Which really did feel great. Even better in retrospect, since I can now accept that this actually happened to me!<br />
<br />
Then what?<br />
<br />
The agency sent me their contract. Back to my usual ways, I researched what clauses to look out for, searched for a publishing lawyer to review the contract, and got one to review it for me -- over Labor Day Weekend, no less. I discussed those comments with Jane's partner the following week, which was far easier than negotiating separation agreements! She finalized the contract.<br />
<br />
But it wasn't until I received Jane's countersigned copy that I breathed again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-84637481451758316372013-11-02T04:07:00.000-04:002013-11-02T04:22:42.058-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 10So here's where things started getting really cool, really hairy, and really nerve-wracking.<br />
<br />
My UPS packet to Jane Dystel was delivered to her office on Friday, August 16. On Monday, August 19, I received an email from Jane, asking for the entire manuscript. Via return email, not via snail mail. And me, being so cool, said, um, yeah, sure, uh, yipppeeeeeeee!!!! No, seriously, I wrote back, 'Thank you so much...' and, anal as I am, asked if docx was okay.<br />
<br />
Formatting and technology. I'm <i>such</i> a nerd.<br />
<br />
Three days later, she asked for an exclusive.<br />
<br />
I wasn't sure what that meant in the agent world, but it sounded damn promising. Normally, I'd research the term 'exclusive' to death. But I was en route to the vet's office, my daughter needed a ride, and I was checking emails<i> </i>on my iPhone. I fired back an email to say I'd queried other agents and hadn't heard anything yet, which was totally true.<br />
<br />
Jane then asked for a two-week exclusive, to which I immediately agreed. I mean, what am I, crazy? Hell if I knew exactly what I was agreeing to, but we're talking about a request from <i>Jane Dystel</i>, for crying out loud!! If she'd asked me to jump off a bridge (okay, what mom hasn't used that line on her kids?), I probably would've done that, too. I also agreed to contact all the other agents, to advise them of her exclusive.<br />
<br />
Little did I know, until I got back home that night and fired out the promised emails to the other agents, what an 'exclusive' meant (no, I still hadn't researched it -- very unlike me, but sheesh, I was <i>so </i>excited!). I received auto-responses from the vacationing and otherwise-occupied other agents, of course.<br />
<br />
I also received three <i>very </i>stern responses from agents, two of whom hadn't even gotten back to me at all over the preceding ten days. Those responses essentially lectured me that (1) I couldn't grant an exclusive when I'd already submitted partial or full manuscripts to other agents; (2) an exclusive inures solely to the benefit of the agent, who is locking out the other agents' ability to compete for the book; and (3) any agent requesting an exclusive is worried about competition, because they aren't A-List agents who can compete without exclusives.<br />
<br />
That's when I scrambled to research what an agency exclusive meant. And I found out that, yes, I had screwed up because other agents had, in fact, received my manuscript (reason #1 above). I had therefore committed a big <i>faux pas. </i>But the two-week period, which ran basically through Labor Day, could hardly matter to the vacationers and non-responders, so if it inured to the benefit of Jane Dystel, who'd moved so quickly on my book? Well, more power to her. She SHOULD have an exclusive. And Jane Dystel is on the tippy top of the A-List. So ## 2 and 3 were, as I used to say in my briefs, utterly inapposite.<br />
<br />
I clarified to Jane that I'd submitted fulls or partials of the manuscript to other agents whom I'd met at conferences, but that no one had gotten back to me on them yet. I didn't bother telling her that all I'd gotten the far was a lot of grief for granting the exclusive. Certainly no one had told me they had started reading anything I'd sent -- not even the synopsis! So <i>why </i>was I feeling so defensive and worried?<br />
<br />
I've since read on many other sites that granting an an exclusive under these circumstances is a bonehead move. And -- something that had occurred to me -- if the exclusive agent rejects the book, everyone else will know about the 'no.' But you know what? NONE of the blogs or posts or comments I've read on the subject has said that the agent asking for a brief, two-week, exclusive, was the amazing Jane Dystel.<br />
<br />
And, given that it was Jane, well. I'd do it all over again.<br />
<br />
Between August 23 and August 27, all I knew was that Jane had been reading the book. It was a hell of a longgggg weekend. I checked email incessantly. Nothing. I went back and forth with the other three agents, apologizing for my breach of etiquette, wondering if they'd still read 'Client Relations' once Jane nixed it.<br />
<br />
On August 27, Jane sent me an offer of representation.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-21206591581488150412013-11-02T02:54:00.004-04:002013-11-02T03:00:07.834-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 9When's the best time to query? Hell if I know.<br />
<br />
I had planned on the spring, but I wasn't ready. The months passed, and I still wasn't ready. Come early August, I wondered if my work would be reviewed by summer interns still in college.<br />
<br />
I figured most summer interns would be gone by mid-August. I figured agents would be going on vacation, too. But if I waited until Labor Day, when the publishing world lurched back into high gear, I might get a brand new batch of completely inexperienced interns, and agents would be far too busy getting back to piled-up desks and in-boxes to want to deal with me.<br />
<br />
So I decided to send out my queries and pages in the August 10 - 15 range.<br />
<br />
I basically went in order of my querytracker.net list. As each email went out, I updated the status. I contacted a total of fifteen agents, ultimately, and I'd say a dozen or so were agents I had met at Query Roulette, conferences, or through webinars. The last few were 'cold' queries, including the agent I ultimately signed with -- Jane Dystel.<br />
<br />
Most of my queries and pages generated auto-responses, like 'We will only respond to those queries in which we are interested,' or 'I am out of the office through Labor Day.'<br />
<br />
Two came back with personal responses (both from Query Roulette agents): First, 'Hi Terri, Thanks for the email. I'll try to read this before I go away for vacation, otherwise I'm back after Labor Day...' and the second, 'Terri, please let me know if you receive an offer of representation...'<br />
<br />
I really liked the first agency, and was delighted that the agent herself actually promised to <i>read </i>what I'd sent. The second response was from another agent I'd also liked tremendously, but it had me baffled. She wasn't making me an offer, she hadn't indicated she was reading anything. Was there some hidden meaning I didn't understand? (The answer came, about two weeks later.)<br />
<br />
Email queries and submissions are soooo easy to do, really. Once you have all the shit out of the way (see my previous posts re the manuscript, the query letter, and the synopsis), all you do is follow the agency submission guidelines, block and paste into an email, and <i>swishhhh. </i>It's off into cyberspace. Along with the screwed-up 'Dear Agent X' query that goes to Agent Y's email address...<i> </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Certain agents, though, don't take email queries. I noticed that with some agents who were either closed for queries, or the head of their agencies. And for someone with mobility issues like me, well, the idea of snail mail - like going to the USPS for Priority Mail, or the UPS Store - makes it even more discouraging.<br />
<br />
Everyone I was querying took email, either because their sites allowed it, or because they had given me their email addresses, so no biggie.<br />
<br />
Except for one agent.<br />
<br />
This was someone I <i>really</i> wanted to query, albeit as a 'cold' query. She had gone to Georgetown Law School (like me); she wrote on her agency site that she wished she saw more 'great story telling;' and her bio said she had 'an abiding interest in legal subjects.' I believed 'Client Relations' would fit the bill, with its plot lines, and strong legal theme. I read all of her interviews, including a few where she discussed self-published books. Her openness to spotting new talent had caused her to sign a few best-selling self-published writers. Although I never wanted to go the self-pub route, I liked how this agent embraced the reality of self-pub and technology, instead of denying its influence (like so many other agents).<br />
<br />
On the other hand, the agent was Jane Dystel - and she's one of the top agents in New York. Which is to say, the universe. (Hey, I'm a New Yorker!)<br />
<br />
I discussed the snail mail hassle with my husband. You know, like, 'Should I bother? She's never going to take me, anyway. Everyone else takes email. Maybe I should wait for the others to get back to me....' But, with his encouragement, I headed to the UPS Store the next day with my submission packet: Query letter, synopsis, and Chapter 1.<br />
<br />
Around bedtime that night (of course, when else?), I realized I'd forgotten to include a stamped, self-addressed envelope per the agency's submission guidelines. So I sent that out to Dystel & Goderich Literary Management under separate cover, the next day, expecting to hear nothing for a really really really long time, and bracing for the worst in the interim.<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-74222533481394699412013-11-02T01:46:00.001-04:002013-11-02T06:04:38.600-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 8Since I'm reliving this summer's painstaking steps, here's another one:<br />
<br />
I wrote a two-page synopsis.<br />
<br />
The idea of that makes me shudder all over again. Yup, boiling an 88,000+ word book into roughly 700 words, omg.<br />
<br />
I turned to Writers Digest and Chuck Sambuchino again. Chuck has some great examples of effective synopses, using mostly movie plots: http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/synopsis-example-ransom-thriller<br />
<br />
Formatting, again, rules the game.<br />
<br />
Same set-up at the top of the page:<br />
Single space, on separate lines, left align:<br />
Name<br />
Address<br />
Telephone number<br />
Email<br />
<br />
And across from that on the top, single space on separate lines, right align:<br />
Genre<br />
Word count<br />
<br />
Start double space, then all caps center:<br />
TITLE - SYNOPSIS<br />
<br />
After you're done staring at your blank screen, start with a zippy hook that mentions your protagonist immediately. The first time a character is mentioned, use all caps for the name. (I mentioned a total of four main characters in my synopsis.)<br />
<br />
Leave out the subplots, use the present tense, and TELL THE ENDING. The synopsis is pretty much all telling, no showing, unlike the book.<br />
<br />
Which is why it sucks to write it.<br />
<br />
But you have to. Work hard on it. Take your time. Again, I ran mine by Chuck (using his editing service - he was fastttttt!), thenextbigwriters.com, and Laura Kingsley (the freelance editor I hired near the tail end of the whole process).<br />
<br />
I sent my synopsis with ALL my queries and pages, even when it wasn't requested.<br />
<br />
With my agent research in place -- well, actually, it was a never-ending process; my manuscript theoretically done (again) and properly formatted; my query letter finalized (again); and my synopsis finished -- I was as ready as I would ever be.<br />
<br />
And I thought, if I didn't land an agent in August, I never would. In which case, I'd crawl into bed, cover my head with pillows and blankets, and never get up again.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-29694829745885593552013-11-01T22:48:00.001-04:002013-11-02T01:19:27.080-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 7<br />
Before I sent out my queries and submissions per the agents' guidelines or specific requests, I did some incredibly mundane crap.<br />
<br />
First, I checked my manuscript formatting. There are websites and blogs on this. I think I relied a lot on agentquery.com, but I also used writersdigest.com, nathanbransford.com, theeditorsblog.net and a few other sites.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, this is the formatting I used for the manuscript of 'Client Relations:'<br />
<br />
TNR 12 point, double-spaced<br />
Title page<br />
Upper left align -- single space, separate lines: my name; address, telephone; email <br />
Upper right align: Word count, rounded to the nearest hundred<br />
Double space down six times, center align:<br />
TITLE (all caps)<br />
Then one double space, center align:<br />
By: (initial cap)<br />
Then another double space, center align:<br />
Author's Name<br />
Page break<br />
Now for the actual manuscript, that starts on the next page after the title page -<br />
Page 1: Start page numbering here, but no page number or header on this first page<br />
After page 1: Headers on every page<br />
Upper left align: Weiss/ CLIENT RELATIONS <br />
Upper right align: Page x<br />
Before every chapter, including chapter 1:<br />
Start each chapter on a new page<br />
Skip six double-spaced lines down to insert the chapter title, even if it's just a number<br />
Skip three double-spaced lines down to start the text<br />
<br />
After the drudge of formatting? Spell check the damn thing! You're probably so blind to the book, even after all your beta readers etc., that you can't see any goofs, right? So then save the spell-checked version as a new document and compare it to 'final' version. Do that about another ten times. : O<br />
<br />
How boring is all this? I know, I know, it made me totally crazy, too. But the look you'll give your manuscript when all this is done will be so awesome. You'll look like <i>such </i> a professional! Which is, after all, what you want to be.<br />
<br />
That's why you want an agent in the first place. <br />
<br />
Keep telling yourself that as you view the document in full page mode for the twentieth time, and find all the places where a new chapter begins six double-spaced lunes down on the same goddamn page as the last one.<br />
<br />
Okay, still awake and with me?<br />
<br />
Using my query tracker.net list to check off whom I had queried and what I needed to do (send pages, mark them off as 'no response' or rejected, etc.), I went to each agent's website to check their submission guidelines. Unless I had received a request for pages, and a personal email address from the agent (either at a conference, Query Roulette, or a webinar), virtually no agent will open any attachment.<br />
<br />
That means copying and pasting your query and the first whatever pages or chapters of your work - exactly in accordance with THAT agent's guidelines - into the body of the email. Then check the block-and-paste job in the email for spacing, para tabs, etc. in the text of your email Yeah, after all that formatting grind I just told you to do.<br />
<br />
Because, trust me, if the agent wants the whole book, you'll be so glad you did such a professional formatting job.<br />
<br />
And try to quadruple-check that Agent A doesn't get Agent B's letter (sigh).<br />
<br />
More to follow...<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-65918075848054912552013-11-01T21:54:00.002-04:002013-11-02T06:02:46.183-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 6<br />
Now for the query process in August 2013...<br />
<br />
I had kept track of those agents I'd met at conferences who had either requested a query or pages, along with those I'd met at the WNBA-NYC Query Roulettes, and those who'd expressed interested in 'Client Relations' following the webinars I'd taken.<br />
<br />
In fact, I had a list of every agent I'd met, queried, or wanted to query, using a fantastic free internet site: www.querytracker.net. This site allows you to keep your own private query list, with notes on each agents (i.e., I noted when and where I'd met them, what they'd asked for, what they were like, etc.). You can track when and how they were queried, when they responded, etc. This really kept me organized.<br />
<br />
In addition, I used Querytracker.net to look up other agents whom I hadn't met but wanted to query. The site has direct links to agency websites - very smooth and easy.<br />
<br />
I didn't query any agency without reading their blogs, reviewing their agent bios to see who might be a good fit, then Googling all interviews given by each agent I liked, to be sure that querying them made sense for my book and for me. Checking the agents' book/client lists for genre and any writers I recognized was also mandatory.<br />
<br />
Other places I looked for agents to query? Chuck Sambuchino's Guide To Literary Agents blog (http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents), Publisher's Marketplace (you can see who does deals frequently, what genre/s they sell, how they pitch books, etc.). Also Twitter runs a 'what I'm looking for right now' day for agents to post their wish lists. I read the 'Acknowledgements' pages of my favorite writers. The 'Absolute Water Cooler' website also has an extensive library about writers' experience querying agents, as does 'Agentquery.com.'<br />
<br />
Basically I researched the hell out of agents to determine which ones to query.<br />
<br />
So how did I write the actual query letter?<br />
<br />
I read a zillion blogs -- including a few agents' blogs that ripped queries apart; I took a few Writers' Digest query-oriented webinars; I went to agents' presentations about queries at the writers' conferences I attended; I took my query letters to the WNBA Query Roulette for agents' reviews and comments; I had Chuck Sambuchino (one-on-one meeting at the 2011 Writers Digest conference) review it; I posted it online at thenextbigwriter.com; I edited and revised and gave myself headaches... and honestly, I was still catching mistakes and tidying it up through mid-August 2013.<br />
<br />
Of course, my biggest fear happened: I sent a query to Agent X in an email addressed to Agent Y. Inevitable, when I was sending out about fifteen agent queries in one fell swoop, but nonetheless embarrassing.<br />
<br />
Oh, I need to tell you more mechanics before I actually sent out my stuff. <br />
<br />
Coming up next!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-48457284480117111022013-10-29T22:10:00.003-04:002013-11-02T13:31:26.915-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 5Here's how I knew the book wasn't ready yet.<br />
<br />
In November 2011, I joined an online writer's workshop that I had been referred to by a SEAK attendee: thenextbigwriter.com Despite the grandiose name, the SEAK person had told me it was a supportive group -- and she was absolutely right.<br />
<br />
The first person who reviewed me became a good friend, and we have remained so to this day. John Hamler, wordsmith extraordinaire and my nighttime buddy -- may he <i>soon </i>finish Antagony and be the next literary rock star. And then there's Jenn Nissley, an incredible literary fiction writer, who I am convinced will win the Faulkners and go on to superstardom.<br />
<br />
Some of the others? Graeme Lipper, another SEAK doc and a great med thriller writer; Simi Monheit, fabuloso unabashed chick lit writer; Teri Taylor, hilarious creator of the 'Trailer Girls' books; Christina Michaels, Jeni Decker, Cathy Jones, all terrific crime novelists; Deedra Climer, intense as they come; Carlyle Clark, one of coolest guys ever; Terry McDonald, John VanCott, C Brass and Nathan B Childs, who were amazing reviewers; Felix Ulrich, who taught me a valuable lesson on 'filtering' verbs... see what I mean?<br />
<br />
There are a <i>lot </i>of good people out there in cyberspace, not just stalkers who want to sell you Canadian drugs and sex tools, and want to invade your bank account...<br />
<br />
I also hired a writing coach, Diana Amsterdam, who had come to my attention by way of a really excellent lawyer-writer friend, Allison Leotta. I'd never met either of them in person until mid-2012. Diana used the Socratic Method - something that drove me crazy in law school, as well as in Diana's lessons, but damn, it worked! She and I differed on several major issues - most significantly, Casey's family history - but she really made me think hard about what I was doing, and more importantly, she helped me figure out how to do it.<br />
<br />
I workshopped online with TNBW through about May 2013, which brings me to the four-year mark since Bob Dugoni told me to make the lawyer my lead. I spent the summer of 2013 polishing polishing polishing, and hired an editor that someone on TNBW referred to me - Laura Kingsley, what a great pair of extra eyes!<br />
<br />
By August 2013, I felt like I was ready to query/submit. I also felt that if I wasn't ready by then, I never would be.<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-23984639401387308982013-10-29T21:07:00.001-04:002013-11-02T06:15:18.669-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 4Okay, I'm in the middle of the story, so I'm not ready to sign off right now.<br />
<br />
Casey Lang, now my lawyer protagonist, was a shitty to non-existent character. I'd made her a lawyer handling a case, and nothing more than that. Now she needed substance. Not just physical characteristics, but a personal background, a unique voice, quirks, traits, things to make the reader root for her (versus rooting for her client).<br />
<br />
I spent the next two years developing her, and developing her story. I went back and forth with her. I won't even describe some of her initial character traits. Let's just say she was dreadful. Her first name changed three times before she became Casey. Her background changed even more. Her voice wasn't really fixed until late 2012.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, as I wrenched through her character and the story itself, I braved another Backspace conference, two Gotham Writers classes in NYC (where I met some terrific people), one Algonkian 'pitch and shop' conference (not a high point, although the attendees were great), an online Writer's Digest class, a few Writer's Digest webinars, and a Writer's Digest conference (yet another disaster for me!).<br />
<br />
Steven King's 'On Writing' was one of my bibles. Another was Strunk and White's 'The Elements Of Style.' Also Turow's 'Presumed Innocent.' And always at my side was James Scott Bell's book, 'Revision And Self-Editing.'<br />
<br />
During that time, the book had at least four titles, none of them very interesting. I think I came up with the final title, Client Relations, sometime in late 2010, while I was taking a shower, or maybe when I was half-awake/half-asleep. I thought of it, with its nuanced meanings, and said to myself, 'Whoa, this works.'<br />
<br />
Taking advantage of being close to the NYC publishing world, I also joined the National Book Women's Association, NYC chapter, and went to three 'Query Roulette' nights in three separate years, most recently last May (2013). I can't say enough great things about WNBA's Query Roulette. Basically, you sign up for one-on-one pitches to up to ten agents for, like $20 a pop. The agent reads your query letter and asks you to talk about the book. If they're interested, they ask for pages. The atmosphere is charged but very personal, and I met some incredible agents there like Jenny Bent, Katherine Sands, Bill Contardi... really awesome, A-list agents.<br />
<br />
I received quite a few requests for pages the first time I went, and my submissions met with one polite rejection and...deafening silence.<br />
<br />
The second and third times (2012 and 2013), I received more requests, but decided to 'bank' most of them until the book was really really ready.<br />
<br />
Whenever the hell that would be.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-33040389242760637102013-10-29T20:35:00.000-04:002013-10-29T20:44:02.342-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 3Here it was, November 2008, and I'd more or less finished licking my wounds from the Backspace conference, although I certainly wasn't finished whining. Not that I'm ever finished whining.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyway, I spend the next six months working on my novel at a grueling pace. No kidding -- I was doing all nighters, sometimes thirty-six, even forty hours at a stretch. And I hate to admit it but, having always been a night owl ever since ever, those hours never changed for me over the next 4 1/2 years of writing. I doubt they ever will, either.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Anyway, come March of 2009, I thought I was <i>done! </i>I felt great. I signed up for another, much smaller, SEAK conference, this one held in Chicago in April 2009 with Robert Dugoni as the featured lecturer. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Of course, this draft manuscript got totally trashed, too (albeit not quite as brutally as before).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
However...the conference was probably the best I've ever gone to, for two reasons:<br />
<br />
First, the attendees (mostly doctors writing medical thrillers) were a fabulous bunch -- fascinating, erudite and fun fun fun, and yes, I'm talking MDs here, mostly 20+ years into their practice!<br />
<br />
Second, and even more important, Bob Dugoni changed my writing life. </div>
<div>
<br />
Let me tell you what Bob Dugoni did: He told me to make the lawyer the protagonist. As Bob explained, I'm a lawyer, people are interested in lawyer stories, I have a story to tell, and my lawyer character should be the one to tell it.<br />
<br />
That meant a <i>total </i>rewrite of my novel, because the client, i.e., John Zambelli, Celebrity Chef, had been my lead. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Back to the drawing board. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Except I didn't want to abandon my chef.</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-431990121321027556.post-59923528659919177472013-10-26T11:29:00.001-04:002013-10-26T16:08:31.806-04:00The Great Literary Agent Race, Part 2So now, step back in time to 2005 or thereabouts....<br />
<br />
That's when I decided to write a book about how custody cases affect lawyers. I wanted it to be an insider's look on the process of what we do, why we do it, and how we live and breathe these cases. Except I couldn't -- the attorney-client privilege forbids revealing client confidences except under certain, very narrow circumstances (i.e., to prevent death or significant bodily injury).<br />
<br />
That's when the notion of my writing a novel about a custody case took root.<br />
<br />
There was a problem: Although I'd written a lot of professional articles, I hadn't written fiction since, oh, maybe high school... And writing fiction is light-years away from writing affidavits, briefs, and all other papers that I routinely crank out in the course of legal representation. (I wrote here, on this blog, about how different the two forms of writing are: http://bedroom-to-courtroom.blogspot.com/2012/01/lawyer-vs-writer.html.)<br />
<br />
In a nutshell, the fiction writer SHOWS a character's feelings, both physical and personal; shows actions and scenes through dialogue, movement, description; paces the story to avoid glossing over nuances, and to ensure logical connections (i.e., someone has to actually get from point a to point b).<br />
<br />
The legal writer recites factual information more objectively (albeit with the perspective and interests of the client first and foremost), stating the facts and then weaving in the law to demonstrate how it applies to those facts.<br />
<br />
It took me ten or fifteen years to master the art of legal writing. And then? I had to unlearn it -- completely -- in order to learn the craft of writing fiction. That process took me at least three years.<br />
<br />
I started by taking a four-day writing conference designed to help lawyers learn how to write fiction. Every lawyer there wanted to be Grisham or Turow -- that was the essential concept behind the conference, anyway. The course was run by SEAK, and the featured lecturers were Stephen Horn and Lisa Scottoline. (Lisa is fabulous in person, by the way.) Both are criminal lawyers who write terrific thrillers, which is not my background nor was it my intended genre. That didn't matter at all for purposes of the conference -- these two excellent writers/instructors made me realize how much I needed to learn.<br />
<br />
Over the next three years, I waffled about, then gradually drafted a shitty, cathartic manuscript (that looked nothing like <i>Client Relations</i>)<i> </i>in which I struggled to put my limited knowledge of fiction-writing, based on that one conference, to work.<br />
<br />
I then went to another writer's conference, this time hosted by Backspace (an online writer's group), in May 2008, thinking I knew what I was doing. Wrong. At the conference, the opening pages of my draft were blasted into shards by breakout groups. The agents and attendees in my breakout groups were pretty merciless -- they'd use my (lousy) draft, and those of other aspiring writers, read the first paragraphs aloud, and then say how terrible they were. And they explained why. It was a disheartening, miserable experience. After I returned home, I cursed a lot and told myself to forget the whole damn thing.<br />
<br />
It took months to get over that conference. Looking back, I believe that the conference itself was really really good. Being publicly drawn and quartered was quite a learning experience - although I still wish it hadn't been so, well, PUBLIC.<br />
<br />
Anyway.<br />
<br />
By November of 2008, I braced myself for another attempt at the manuscript...<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/XMBN</div>Terrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04439479882563807485noreply@blogger.com2